Harry and Company Do Hogwarts
by stmaryspeakstofaeries
Summary: A Random stoy in which our favorite charcters do out of charcter things. Thus, it is funny only to an aquired taste. Please R&R, and tell me your requests for up and coming chapters. I'll try and put most of them in. It's a collaboration! Anyway...
1. Miss Umbridge

A/N a dose of humor for you all...

DisclaimerthatspointlessbecausenoonewilleversuemeespecaillynotJKRbecauseshehasbetterthingstodobutwaitohdamnitIjustjinxeditandnowIwillgetsuedjustforsayingthatohwellnothingIcandoaboutitnow: I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER.

Sleepy and tousle-haired, Harry and his faithful followers, Ron and Hermione, made their way down to the common room. Being so very astute and all, Hermione instantly realized that a new sign had been posted on the Gryffindor message board. The trio approached said notice...

It read as follows:

--------- **BY ORDER OF -----------**

The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts All Students must do as I say. Because I am corrupt. HaHa.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Five Thousand And Twenty-Eight.

Follow the instructions to find you new name.

_1) Use the third letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name:_

_A= poopsie_

_B= lumpy_

_C=buttercup_

_D= gadget_

_E= crusty_

_F= greasy_

_G= fluffy_

_H= cheeseball_

_I= chim-chim_

_J= stinky_

_K= flunky_

_L= boobie_

_M= pinky_

_N=zippy_

_O=goober_

_P=doofus_

_Q=slimy_

_R=loopy_

_S=snotty_

_T=tootie_

_U=dorkey_

_V=squeezit_

_W=oprah_

_X=skipper_

_Y=dinkey_

_Z=zsa-zsa_

_2) Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first part of your NEW last name:_

_A= apple_

_B= toilet_

_C= giggle_

_D= burger_

_E= girdle_

_F= barf_

_G= lizard_

_H= waffle_

_I= cootie_

_J= monkey_

_K= potty_

_L= liver_

_M= banana_

_N= rhino_

_O= bubble_

_P= hamster_

_Q= toad_

_R= gizzard_

_S= pizza_

_T= gerbil_

_U= chicken_

_V= pickle_

_W=chuckle_

_X= tofu_

_Y= gorilla_

_Z= stinker_

_3) Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:_

_A=muncher_

_B=mouth_

_C=face_

_D=nose_

_E=tush_

_F=breath_

_G=pants_

_H=shorts_

_I=lips_

_J=honker_

_K=butt_

_L=brain_

_M=tushie_

_N=chunks_

_O=hiney_

_P=biscuits_

_Q=toes_

_R=buns_

_S=fanny_

_T=sniffer_

_U=sprinkles_

_V=kisser_

_W=squirt_

_X=humperdinck_

_Y=fartface_

_Z=juice_

**Signed:**

Dolores Jane Umbridge HIGH INQUISITOR

Ron: I'm Zippy Girdlefanny.

Hermione: I'm Loopy Gizzardchunks.

Ron: That's hot.

Hermione: What?

Ron: Nothing. {whistles in a suspicious/carefree way}

Harry: {puts hands on waist and puffs out chest} No! I am so brave and honorable that I must protest! I will not succumb to Educational Decree Number Five Thousand and Twenty-Eight!

Hermione: But Harry, if you stand up to Umbridge again, then she'll give you detention, and she's running out of areas to scar permanently...

Harry: Aha! That's where your wrong, Hermione! She still hasn't gotten my left hand. And my name is Loopy Bubblesniffer, thank you very much.

Umbridge appears next to the three loyal companions in order to make the story much easier to write.

Umbridge: _Hem, hem._

The three turn in shock, horror, disbelief, dismay, surprise, wrong-footedness and off-guardedness.

Umbridge again: Detention, Potter. _Hem, hem. _I mean {tauntingly} _Loopy Bubblesniffer._ {sniggers}

Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: Can't you wait until I do something wrong first?

( pause )

Umbridge: No.

( another pause )

Umbridge: And you have to right with your left hand this time.

Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: Fine. But only if I get to call you _Boobie Bananabuns._

Umbridge/Boobie Bananabuns: Deal.

Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: BOOBIE BANANABUNS!

Umbrudge/Boobie Bananabuns: Stop that.

Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: BOOBIE BANANABUNS!

Umbridge/Boobie Bananabuns: {sighs} Ah, well. I have a certain minister to seduce.... I'll see you cats on the flip/flop.

Umbridge turns to leave.

Harry/Loopy Bubblesniffer: {squealing with girlish glee} BOOBIE BANANABUNS! BOOBIE BANANABUNS! BOOBIE BANANABUNS! Oh, that's good... {laughs rather schizophrenically to himself}

Ron/Zippy Girdlefanny and Hermione/Loopy Gizzardchunks exchange dark looks.

A/N if there are format problems, then I apologize, because I don't kow how to work this program.


	2. Yak Butter

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all three sat contentedly and very much prepared for another wonderful and exhilarating Potions class with their favorite professor and friend, Professor Mr. S. Snape. When the time had come for class to begin, the delightfully dreary Severus swept into his dungeon classroom, quite punctual, and quite euphoric at the site of his students.

"Hello, dear ones!" said the Potions master gaily.

"Hello, Professor Snape!" chimed the students, with the more enthusiastic voices of the three companions in the front row.

"Would anyone like some of my yak butter?

"Yay!"

A/N- if that didn't make you either laugh or cry, then there is no pleasing you.


	3. Hogwarts Hustle

After a rather interesting potions class, are favorite gay (happy gay) trio ventured back into the Great Hall in order to prennent leur dejeuner. When they arrived in the Hall, however, they found that the candles were out and had been replaced with a number of disco balls and black lights scattered about the seemingly non-existent ceiling. It was a disco room.

As soon as these friends entered their normal eating-place, they were greeted by the entire staff and student body, all shaking their thangs on the new and spiffy dance floor.

Among the most enthusiastic of these hard-core partiers was the headmaster himself.

"Ah! Come Harry and company! Do join us in the Hogwarts Hustle!"

All proceeded to boogie down.


End file.
